Sunday, September 25, 2011

Cheryl Kaye Tardif - Dexter Morgan Move Over

There's a New Serial Killer in Town!
 
On the theme of how to kill, I'd like to introduce you to Myrtle Murphy, a serial killer you'll hate to love. Myrtle isn't your average serial killer and definitely no Dexter, but when she has a bone to pick, the rest of the body isn't too far behind. And if she ever offers you a cup of tea, watch out!

Myrtle is a simple woman with simple needs, and since the rat poison was readily at hand, it makes the most sense. Why should she go out of her way to ‘off’ dear old Norm? Poison is sure to do the trick. And since he always has tea at night... the only hard part for Myrtle was trying to figure out how much sugar was needed to mask the taste.

Myrtle is the "star" of three short stories featured in my horror anthology Skeletons in the Closet & Other Creepy Stories. In A Grave Error, Myrtle, a woman in her early sixties, has had enough of her lazy, good-for-nothing husband Norman. While Norman is busy with his "mid-life crisis," Myrtle is having a "Norman crisis." A little something in his evening tea will take care of him.

In the second story, Death of an Old Cow, Myrtle finds an unexpected visitor on her doorstep. Her snooty, interfering, demanding mother-in-law. 50 Ways to Kill Your Mother (in-law)? Well, all it really takes is one, and an evening of cow-tipping and a handful of drunken rednecks.

I won't tell you about Myrtle's third victim, but I will tell you how Myrtle Murphy was born. While participating in a small writers' group, we issued ourselves a challenge. We were to write a story that incorporated three elements: spilled orange juice, a ketchup bottle exploding and one other that I can't recall. What I do know is that I "won" the challenge after reading my story to our group. They loved Myrtle.

Yes, there are 50 Ways to Kill Your Lover...and Your Mother (in-law). But as Myrtle figured out, all you really need is one.


"Skeletons in the Closet is a thoroughly entertaining and unabashedly Canadian collection of horror shorts - a straightforward, in-your-face, goosebump raising, skin crawling creep fest with brilliantly conceived endings." —Paul Weiss, Top 1000 Amazon Reviewer

"If you like Stephen King's quirky short stories or are a fan of the Twilight Zone, you will enjoy "Skeletons in the Closet" from author Cheryl Kaye Tardif." — John Zur

Skeletons in the Closet & Other Creepy Stories features thirteen of my personal favourite shorts, some of which have been previously published and some that are new. You can enter the closet by picking up the ebook edition at Amazon or Smashwords, or the paperback at Amazon or other retailers.

Cheryl Kaye Tardif is a bestselling suspense author who resides in Edmonton, Alberta. She is best known for her novels, Whale Song, Divine Intervention and Children of the Fog.

You can learn more about Cheryl by visiting http://www.cherylktardif.com or http://www.cherylktardif.blogspot.com.
Connect with her on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/cherylktardif.
Like her Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Cheryl-Kaye-Tardif-novels/29769736630

Sunday, September 11, 2011

There Must Be Fifty Ways to Kill Your Lover



With apologies to Paul Simon....

There Must Be 50 Ways to Kill Your Lover

When you’re a crime writer it’s handy if you have
A few experts in your pocket
They’ll tell you death isn’t fast as they all say
Or CSI able to just lock it

In life the detectives almost know right from the start
Cause guilty parties tend to hover
The trick is finding enough proof to take to court
Still, there must be fifty ways to kill your lover
Fifty ways to kill your lover

Stiletto in the back, Jack
No elaborate plan, Stan
A gun isn’t coy, Roy
Long as you can get free
Poison in the stew, Lou
Don’t have to be fancy, Nancy
“Accidental” O.D., Lee
Long as you can get free

I’ve learned that eating poison isn’t very fast
Best you make it look accidental
The reason assassins shoot you in the head, is
To make conversation incidental

A crime writer can use these ploys to heighten the suspense
Drive the reader from cover to cover
Beware of holes that leave the reader shaking head, still
There must be fifty ways to kill your lover
Fifty ways to kill your lover

Stiletto in the back, Jack
No elaborate plan, Stan
A gun isn’t coy, Roy
Long as you can get free
Poison in the stew, Lou
Don’t have to be fancy, Nancy
“Accidental” O.D., Lee
Long as you can get free


This murder of a classic song is the beginning of the new NCWM Blog theme. Murder isn't as easy to write as it is to commit. For one thing, unlike most criminals, crime writers have to be clever and entertaining and the killer can't get caught until the final chapter.

If you want a source for getting the murder right: Forensics4Fiction